-
Maybe It’s Time I Write Something New
Now that I am in a committed relationship, maybe it’s time I speak publicly on all the newly acquired fears and anxieties I have. Nothing original, typical committed relationship fears, except this is all new to me. You see, this is the first time I have been in what I refer to as an “adult” relationship. This “adult” relationship is the type of relationship that is way scarier than any other one you have had because this is the time in your life when getting married and doing all those normal “adult” things aren’t unfeasible at your age. At this age it feels like there is pressure coming from all types of places to lead a relationship down the path of “forever” and forever makes me nervous. I am by nature an extremely impatient person. I want everything very, very quickly and I often feel terrible that I met the person I did now because he is the one that will have to deal with my impatience. I experience guilt on a regular basis about the things that cross my mind pertaining to future. I feel so guilty that I have created this foolish that he will drop me at any moment because I have these outlandish demands - you know, like the crazy expectation of maybe becoming a bona fide, legally recognized couple someday (emphasis on someday) or possibly cohabit with one another. NUTS, right? I had a mini-meltdown a few days ago. I completely let my anxiety get the best of me and I’ve been thinking about why this happened in the first place. I’ve come to the conclusion that for such a long time I hated women who wanted everything I want right now. Just for the record, I never was against love, I enjoy being in a relationship and I pride myself on my ability to stay in a peaceful one. I am extremely choosy about my battles, I keep a lot of things to myself and try my best not burden the person I love, with all of my crazy feelings. And there lies the problem. For me, being my best self is staying slightly disconnected to the person I am with and showing very few of my typical girl (I am being sexist) ahem, human tendencies, but for the most part, not showing them at all. What I always hated was women who just caved into the idea of being a wife and a mother. For some fucked up reason I always thought it was weak to go that route before the age of 35. I have since changed my really obnoxious, nonsensical backwards-sudeo-feminist views of what being a woman should mean in this day and age, but never the less, that is what I thought for a long time. It wasn’t until the last year I thought to myself, “Gee, I feel a weird need to reproduce.” I refer to it as weird because not only do I want kids for sure, but part of my rationale is that I am too good of a person to not have them. I have mentioned this before, but I think it’s my civil duty to contribute a child to this world. I’d be too good of a parent to skip out on that. That was a bit of a tangent, but I had to convince you the reader, that I am indeed a fantastic person, dammit! So I guess the big underlying point of this completely gratuitous yet cathartic release is that even though I am the happiest I have ever been with anyone, what I am involved in right now is scary for me. The thought of showing my feelings on a regular basis is completely terrifying. Luckily, I was reassured that I wouldn’t be left if I expressed any desires and aspirations I have for my life and I proud to report that for the first time I think I am adjusting to trusting someone fully. He said the nicest thing, “even if we failed it would still be ‘worth it’.” He also said if I kept all this leaving me shit up, he would really leave me. Isn’t he the greatest? Yep, I’m in love.
I will be sure to keep everyone completely up to date on my anxieties on the regular.
Yours Truly,
The Ex-Serial Dater -
Anonymous asked: Im gay, I dont know if you can help but I just got out of a 3 year relationship a couple months back and its been really hard. After we broke up I've been kinda been sleeping around a bit cause I kinda feel alone. Am I wrong for doing that? I still love my ex like crazy. its just hard cause I still dont really know why we really broke up. Thank you in advanced.
One thing first - it doesn’t matter that you are gay. I try to keep things pretty orientation neutral around here. So I just had to say that right off the bat! Secondly… I am sorry to hear you have been feeling shitty after your break-up, I know that whatever anyone says isn’t going to alleviate that pain, it is just something you have to power through. Luckily, we forget shit and soon enough the feelings will fade and it wont hurt as much! And now to the point…. so you’ve been sleeping around, eh? Well, are you using condoms? If the answer is yes, then good for you. I have said before on this blog that I fully endorse casual sex IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT. The fact that you are doing this to make you feel less alone…. maybe not such a good idea. Sleeping with a bunch of people will not alleviate your loneliness. Trust. People you have casual sex with aren’t going to stick around and have breakfast with you in the morning or cuddle you till the sun comes up. I don’t know about you, but for me sex without those things when I am feeling lonely just makes it worse. On a side note, I get that you are still in love with your ex and you are looking for closure, but as cliche as this crap sounds you should love yourself first. With that being said, just take this time to focus on some things you want to do. Being single is fucking fantastic if you utilize the time you have to yourself in the right way. I learned a lot of little things about myself that I think have contributed to my confidence and ability to fully appreciate a partnership and that is after two years of the single life. The main thing is, just know you aren’t wrong or terrible or bad for having sex (AS LONG AS IT IS SAFE) with different people. Just keep in mind that this might fuel your fire. Don’t keep feeding this act into your loneliness, because there is a strong chance this isn’t helping. Focus a bit on yourself. I promise the single life has its definite perks!
-
Anonymous asked: Do you ever worry that a relationship will become too boring? Even one that is going really amazingly? Sometimes I worry that I will someday become too "used to" being happy, forget how lucky I am and how grateful I should be and get the grass-is-greener syndrome...I don't feel like this right now but I have worried about this in the past. Thoughts?
The fear of a relationship fizzling out is a big one for me too… but I don’t tend to fixate on it for long. I find this feeling common among people who don’t feel worthy of being treated well by their romantic interests. For example - I meet someone who thinks I am the greatest and this feels amazing, but I am not used to anyone saying this to me in a romantic way or being genuine about it. I have two fears. One is that it will end at any moment because he will see parts of me that aren’t so great and feel like they don’t outweigh the good. Second fear is that he will keep thinking I am great, but something will shift and that’s when the boredom will set in. Let’s just face it - this happens A LOT. It is unrealistic to think that you will be able to maintain a stellar connection with every romantic interest you have, this just isn’t possible. Maybe the grass is greener someplace else. I feel like if you are having constant thoughts of being with someone else or thoughts of just being back on the market then this probably isn’t the relationship for you. BUT, if you just feel a little insecure that you might be boring, they have the potential of getting boring or not feeling worthy of their affection… these are normal to some degree. As long as you are having fun and you feel satisfied in this moment, there is no need to dwell on what could happen in the future. Face that when you get there. Plus, there are ways to make your relationship less boring. Unless you try to make things more exciting (and we are talking like several months down the line if this a new love you are speaking of) and nothing changes, then you should worry about moving on. Right now it just sounds like a bit insecurity. I am very guilty of this, so you are not alone. I am sick. I like to plot out all the bad things that can happen with my relationships before they even feel the slightest bit uncomfortable for me. So I get where you are coming from. Don’t forget, I once thought the grass was greener and that is when I found out it was just simply boring.
http://datingdylan.com/post/24989083861/the-grass-isnt-greener-its-just-trimmed-neatly-and
-
Anonymous asked: I was wondering if we can date?
I am not attracted to men who anonymously ask me on dates via the internet. Women like men who are up front. Nothing feels better than hearing a guy say “I really like you, I want to take you out for a drink.” Grow a pair.
-
Anonymous asked: I have a question I have two ex-girlfriends that I have been sleeping with off and on, for years. How do I stop the cycle?
This question is like asking someone “How do I stop smoking.” I don’t know, just stop it. I would assume that you want to stop since you are asking how to, but do you really want to stop it? If you really want to, then it should be easy. Obviously this is bothering you enough to ask it, but you are holding back because you are maybe afraid of a few things? Hurting the feelings of the girls you are sleeping with by breaking it off? Scared of loosing any emotional connection you have with them? Or maybe you are just too lazy to break it off and find someone else to engage in sex with? I am not sure because there isn’t much background to your question, but I can offer this advice : if you are self aware enough to realize that this is unhealthy for you, then you should probably end it. Ending sexual relationships can be difficult, especially if you have a past with this person - also, let’s just face it… it is a pain in the ass to find someone that fulfills all of our needs, emotional and sexual. Who wants to get rid of what is kind of working, so they can be alone and then wait for who knows how long until that right person comes along? It sounds daunting, but I don’t think that you find that right person unless you let go of the current situation. The feelings of the women involved shouldn’t be disregarded, you can let people go nicely, but you should think of yourself first. You might become way more acquainted with your hands, but that is OK temporarily. And two ex-girlfriends sounds like a lot of drama. That’s unhealthy - why do you wanna be around drama. Maybe examine yourself a little bit more and get to the root of why are drawn to this cycle. Set yourself up for a more successful way of going about relationships in the future.
-
Anonymous asked: Great stuff :)
Not a question, but thank you! Topic suggestions?
-
“I’m sick” He Whines : A Wordy Account Of A Short Relationship
I never write about people that I have relationships with because I don’t think it is fair and I feel bad about muddling my feelings about them by revealing everything for a quick cathartic release - but I feel it is appropriate this time. So this is my first semi-angry post about someone who semi-hurt me. I am sorry, this might be a little mean.
When I first met you I felt crazy! It was that high school feeling of infatuation. You were so nice. Incredibly nice and sweet. You came across inexperienced and you seemed excited about me liking you. I was okay with the inexperienced thing, I figured it would be a good thing considering my good track record with less experienced men. You said things like, “You’re special, you’re so pretty, I love hearing you laugh, I love your smile.” You know, all that classic shit that makes us girls happy. To top it all off, you were cute - you knew how to dress, you had a nice face and you liked hanging out with me. You even said you liked having me by your side at your gig. Obviously all of those things made me swoon. When I met you I had been seeing someone else who was fun, but I knew it was just that, fun. So I cut that off. I also was fresh off one date with a friend of mine that went exceptionally well, but you pursued me harder than he did and I liked that excitement and you wanted to see me all the time. So I told my friend I was seeing someone else. This all seemed like a good plan because I was getting tired of dating and you really swept me off my feet. There you were, a cute corn-fed musician. I liked it.
I liked it all until a couple weeks in, I stopped hearing anything positive about myself come out of your mouth. All of the affection I was receiving vanished. At first I tried to not let this bother me, because I know there is a lot more to a connection with someone than hearing how pretty I was all the time or being hugged. But still… it is nice to be reminded why you are there and feel someone’s appreciation for you, whether it be a hug, kiss, cuddle, compliment or a simple thank you. I brought up how this sudden lack of affection stirred up a lot of issues I had with myself, stemming from a relationship I had earlier last year. It reminded me of the guy who almost broke me emotionally. I freaked out a little bit, but after that freak out I felt like we got a little bit closer. You opened up a bit more, handled me being kinda crazy well. I wasn’t expecting someone young to get it and I felt like you got it. It was refreshing and restored my confidence in dating you. After that, I told you I stopped seeing other people. It kind of occurred to me at that moment that you may have not cared if I saw other people or not, but I put that in the back of my mind. I just liked you and I felt the need to say “hey, I am not sleeping with anyone else or charming anyone but you.” You know, because I feel like you tell people who you feel good about those things… although I am too impatient and I tell them too fast when people don’t deserve to hear them, but oh well. I only felt it appropriate that I express what I am feeling because I hate when girls say “don’t tell him how much you like him, don’t let him know, keep him guessing.” I don’t want anyone to do that to me. So I don’t do it. I just say what I feel and go with it. Your sweetness came back and you surprised me with a Christmas present. It appeared to be thought out and it surprised me. It felt great. I almost felt like this over romanticized idea I had in my head of someone actually liking me and having someone steady in my life was coming true. I sound like a sad girl right now, but I am not. I can’t help that I live in la la land where everyone is looking for a one-up on what they already have or what is right in front of them. Even the people I have had really good times with have written me off for not being enough, felt intimidated by what I had or I wasn’t enough of a dreamer. I feel like I have befriended every great guy in this city and all that was left for me was the guys who shutter at the thought of being sweet to someone full-time. I’m pretty stupid for thinking that this was you, but on the other hand I felt like you kept proving my doubts wrong. So I went with it.
You left town for the holidays and then you came back. We didn’t talk much when you were gone, but that was fine. I am sure you were happy to catch up and eat things that didn’t come from a chain restaurant. I understand the lack of communication, even though I am sure you wouldn’t have even wished me a Merry Christmas if I didn’t say it first, but still, I ignored it. My romanticized idea of you was overshadowing the lack of mismatched interest that was happening in this equation. You had told me that you were into me, but couldn’t be excited like you first were. I guess I got it. Besides, my friends were liking everything they were hearing about you. It was nice to be telling people that someone bought me a present instead of how they didn’t show up to my party until it was over. Or didn’t come at all. They were happy I was happy. I was happy, but very disillusioned. Everything was fine and dandy, but then you got sick. I have never met anyone who turned into such a baby when they are sick. So you’re sick… it’s just a cold. Plus here I am, telling you everything you should do when you have cold. I am the remedy queen. You kinda listened, but not really. You just preferred to be sick. That’s fine, but just be manly about it. It was a little bothersome how being sick was such a big deal to you, but it only became a problem when you came over to my house on New Year’s Eve after I had come back to LA just to hang out with you and you let this cold rule your entire mood. Don’t let your cold ruin it. I really wish you would have told me that having a cold was going to turn you into such a baby and jerk because it really ruined my night once you announced that you would not be sleeping over and also felt the need to tell me “I have zero sex drive.” What. The. Fuck. I later clarified that you meant to say you will not be sleeping with me in any shape or form that night. I wanted to say, go the fuck home. But instead I said “I am going to cry”, to which you replied, “if you cry I am going to leave.” How sweet of you. Yeah, someone who really cares about me, their knee jerk reaction should always be “You cry, I leave.” Thanks sweetie. And I wasn’t going to cry just because I wasn’t going to be fucked that night. I was going to cry because you announced that to me, as if your only intention that night was to come over and show your face to me… pacify my need for any genuine attention so I wouldn’t be mad at the guy I am seeing because he didn’t want to spend NYE with me and then after you made your appearance you could go home and wallow in your sickness. After I told this story to a few different people, men included, they all laughed and the common reply was “Who says that?!” I don’t know who says that. I guess it is someone who is defeated by a cold and thinks pretty girls who remember that you said you liked crispy bacon and make it for you in the morning because they care about you, are a dime a dozen. Anyhow… You left my house on January 1st a little abruptly, and that is okay. I know how badly you had to go be sick by yourself, but I didn’t hear anything from you for the rest of the day. Normally that is totally fine, but just for reference - and this is for all men - if you spend a semi-weird night with a girl it’s always best to just send them a little message the next day. Nothing fancy, just something. Trust me. This will make everyone happy in the end. A little reassurance that you are there for her despite anything that transpired the night before is always a good thing. Plus it is the easiest thing ever.
So, even though I didn’t hear anything from you later that day, I reached out to you that night, just to let you know how empty I felt after you left. I know that is not what anyone wants to hear, but I’d rather say it now then later. I explained that I don’t think it’s normal for someone to fall out of the honeymoon state so quickly and think that it is OK. I also told you that I felt like I was forcing this and didn’t want to. I wasn’t attacking you or your character. But you seemed very upset when you wrote back, telling me that you aren’t going to change - that’s no problem, I didn’t need you to change. I prefer to date the person I was dating before this personality shift. You also even cited that you have been sick and you still are, as if that is a good excuse for anything. Even though I am poking fun at you for being a baby when you are sick, you are a fine guy. That is why it was easy for me to acknowledge that I will probably just become a burden to you and I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. I also said that maybe you were just uncomfortable with the way I was treating you. I know it’s super overwhelming when someone shows you affection, takes an interest in your projects, wants to do things like feed you, cuddle you and watch Workaholics with you. It probably sucks big time. I say this half jokingly, because I think for someone who isn’t used to that treatment, it might be hard. And that is where I find solace in all of this.
The solace comes in your age and experience with relationships. My friend Kyle said it best, “he might as well be 19, because at that age you don’t know what you are doing. You barely can take care of yourself.” I have reservations about dating guys younger then me because this is my worry. I know it is only a year - but I don’t feel like boys are capable of being men until like 25, especially if they haven’t had to live like an adult on their own dime for more than a year or so. I mean, you were impressed that I had Tupperware in my house. Is that really that impressive? That should have been the first sign. Like I said, I don’t think you are a terrible person. I think you are a doll when you are open to it. After you are a bit more comfortable with yourself and understand that the fact you are sick with a cold is a terrible excuse for most everything in life, that you should be excited about the person you are dating for more than two weeks, that Tupperware is a normal thing for people in their 20’s to own and women who make you food are always good ones, you’ll be in better shape to date girls seriously. For now all I can say is that I am a little stupid for trusting you, but oh well. Isn’t the first time. This short relationship has taught me two things; number one is to hold back. My mom always tells me “you want everything too fast.” Well, I can’t help it. I do. And I blindly trust people I shouldn’t because I want everything so quickly. I will openly admit that I am really tired of being single, but this short term thing really reminded me to not create these grand ideas of what men can do for me in my head and then project that idea on some poor guy who isn’t really any bit of that romanticized idea of a man. Number two goes hand in hand with number one. I am in such a weird age range for dating. Men my age are continually intimidated by me, don’t have any intentions of just sleeping with one person, are too inexperienced, think that girlfriends are detrimental to their lives because we will crush their dreams and aspirations or some other reason I don’t know yet. Maybe I am just scary. Maybe I just am too picky and scare everyone off. Whatever it is, I don’t know. I do know I have decided that I will not cook food for anyone else, until they really deserve it or they are able to make it through a common cold without crying about it. -
2012 : That Year I Went On 30 Dates & Kinda Learned What I Wanted
Holy Shit. I went on thirty dates this year. I had to sit down and think about it really hard too, because I wasn’t keeping count. Out of those thirty dates I would say I went on about six or seven second dates, made one friend and had a couple of relationships. I also learned that I am pretty amazing with people, I can connect or fake a really good connection with anyone (terrible, I know). I always knew I was a people person, but this year I tapped into this gift or curse on a whole new level. I started calling myself an “expert first dater” and the whole thing became an exhausting job. But, all of those giggles, awkward moments, drinks and drinks and more drinks took me through a twelve month journey that taught me some things about myself and men.
At the beginning of the year (before I convinced myself I would just be single until 30) I had a will to really find someone that would be a match for me. I felt like everything was in place, I had a good job, a nice place to live, places I wanted to go and things I wanted to see… in my naive mind all I needed was a great guy who wanted to support me and realize all of these cheesy dreams and wants I had. I felt like I was packaged up pretty well, stability is always attractive - right? Well, to my surprise it wasn’t. Through all these dates, there was one issue with me and it was revealed during every first date I had. This revelation came through in my answer to a certain question and it got so bad that it started to haunt me in my sleep. It always was asked after I said what I did for a living, nameless man would ask “Yeah, but what do you REALLY want to do?” and my “I don’t know, have money to do the other things I want to do?” answer was ruining me. In la la land, the land full of dreamers who are out here trying to “make it”, my stable lifestyle was the last thing a guy who is looking to make it big liked to hear about. I always wanted to say “I am very sorry I am not a struggling actress, starving singer and don’t have a kickstarter going for my amazing side project.” I became incredibly insecure about my lifestyle and my salaried job. And I hated telling men I was interested in that I lived alone and paid my own way. I convinced myself that the only person I would be good for was someone who was in the same boat. I needed a guy with a desk job, someone who had a dog and a 401k. I actually wasn’t sure what I needed, but I convinced myself that this was it. After I met a “normie” I realized that these guys are boring. Men with 401k plans don’t want to go to open mics, gallery openings on the regular or understand why I feel dead inside if I don’t see live music once a week. These guys are normally older and don’t want to stay up all night talking about our favorite songs and all of their aspirations. Sure, they can take me somewhere and pay for shit, but I am not content around people who aren’t creating. I am a sucker for creative types plus, I have my own 401k and I pay for all my own shit. It became apparent that Mr. Nice and Boring, the normie was not for me. Once I realized that, I knew that I would just have to wait around for someone who was OK with me being the boring one and liked me for the excited art enthusiast I was.
This became a challenge, but that turned out to be okay because I slowly lost the will to be committed to anyone. I felt like I was liberating myself by just doing my own thing for a while. The thought of being a “girlfriend” didn’t cross my mind anymore. I slowly made some really amazing male friends. All of them played different roles in my life. The void was being filled by them. I stopped obsessing about the fact that I have been single for two years. I got a new hobby that wasn’t dating. Things started looking up. I guess I just gave less of a shit about the feelings of the people I was seeing. I wasn’t mean, but if someone didn’t call me back it wasn’t the end of my world. And I made sure that I was never relying on someone else to make me happy. I taught myself to never let anyone all the way in, which is difficult for someone who has a weird fetish for experiencing feelings - even the ones I knew would just leave me hurting. I became slightly jaded while I was waiting for someone to make me feel butterflies. I decided that no one was to be taken seriously unless they showed clear signs of taking me seriously. During this time period I adjusted to being alone a lot, but I balanced it with a new and more active social life. I stopped calling my friends to bitch about what so and so did or how they didn’t show up or how they missed my birthday party. Life was a lot easier. I took long breaks in-between dates. I went from two a week to two a month. I even began to do little social experiments with the way I looked on the first date. I started being a bit more aggressive (which I guess is more of myself) on the dates. Being “alone” was still not the funnest thing in the world, because I am so inclined to take care of someone - but I knew that I shouldn’t be cooking and waking up to anyone who didn’t appreciate being fed and loved.
I think through all of this I learned to always be self aware. My realist ways make me a bit cynical, but hey - I don’t fool myself about whether a guy wants to hang out with me because he loves my smile, laugh, drive and thoughts or if he just wants to bang me. And sure, I really crave a crazy love. I forgot what it feels like to be invested in someone. I forgot what it feels like for someone to be invested in me, and I can’t lie… there are times I miss that goodnight text or feeling needed, but for right now I am fine. I have made the adjustment to dating in your mid twenties and the biggest part of it is patience. It’s rare that anyone you meet out and about that will ask you on a date, if they do they probably won’t buy you a drink, they will wait days to call you back because god forbid if you act interested in someone and even if you have been dating for a while the titles of “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” don’t exist the same way it did in your adolescent dating years. I learned a lot this year and the best part is that it has made me a hell of a lot stronger. I don’t want to puke anymore when I think of “the next steps” in life because I think I got things on lock. Maybe tomorrow I will have a breakdown and take back everything I have said, but until then - I am content with who I am after this year and I hope all of my funny little stories and advice have been entertaining and insightful.
-
The Dos & Don’ts For Those Who Have External Sex Organs
Women expect a lot from men. Half the time the expectations are acceptable and the other half of the time we are being ridiculous. BUT - after this year and numerous conversations with my girlfriends, I felt I needed to write a short guide. So here it is.
Intended for those who have external sex organs:
If you like a girl, just telling them isn’t enough. If you aren’t persistent we will forget about you. Simple as that.
No girl wants to be someone’s “sometime” girlfriend. Sure, sometimes we like being someone’s “sometime” girl because then we don’t have to worry about you. And relationships can be incredibly annoying to some. But even if the arrangement has worked for a while - no one wants to be paid attention to only at night, only when you are out in a group, only on the weekends, only when you are alone or whatever other time you choose to be sweet to this person. Especially if you are dating this person and you like them. If this is what you do, don’t expect that girl to be sleeping with only you. If you want to keep a girl’s interest then don’t treat her like a sometimes girl. That is a sure way to hurt her feelings and to guarantee a loss of interest.
You should let her into your life. Women won’t stick around if they feel like you aren’t letting them in. Have you introduced her to any of your friends yet? When I like someone I want them to meet everyone in my life that I love. Granted, it takes a little bit to get there depending on the relationship, but I want them to meet everyone I hang out with (I’m personally a bit excessive when it comes to this - not everyone wants this to same extent I do. but for the most part we want you to meet our friends and we want to meet yours). If you don’t introduce her to your friends then that is another sure way to hurt her feelings - not introducing her to people goes hand in hand with being someone’s “sometimes” girlfriend.
Just a quick blurb, nothing funny. Just truth for you. We get pretty crazy, but this shit makes it worse. Most women over analyze everything… all of this closing yourself off and temporarily forgetting we exist, well that just hurts our feelings. I have never understood, if you like something and you want more of it, then be nice and let it know that you like it. If you don’t feel like doing this, well then just get a fuck buddy and leave everyone else alone. Duh.
-
Lady Conversations : Dating Makes Me Tired
“how do you keep the energy to keep dating and looking in the abyss of men after each failed “mini-relationship”? It just seems so exhausting to start back over and attempt to rebuild yet another connection from scratch after a failed attempt. What’s your secret to push on?”
Sound cheesy, but I just keep telling myself that someone I mesh with will come along and I guess that is what gives me the patience to keep searching for someone I will really click with. I am not on the quest to find my soul mate, I am on a quest to find someone who thinks I am hilarious, smart and valuable. I want to find someone who I think is all of those things too. Even though there are traits that I am “looking for” in a partner, the biggest piece of the puzzle is that when I am dating, I just don’t take it seriously until someone gives me a reason to.
“I take people as seriously as sometimes I wish I was taken.. it’s all about projection. I want to be taken seriously for what lies beneath, even if I can’t show it, so I take everyone to the depths from the beginning. I guess it’s also because I don’t lend anytime at all to people I don’t think have substantial possibility.
I’m not dating for fun anymore, I’m dating for keeps… I guess that’s the difference
and also why it’s exhausting. Maybe I should get back to dating for fun just for the hell of it.”
I don’t know if you will ever be successful if you approach dating with the mind set that every guy is “for keeps”. That is an issue with women who think that they need to find a life long partner right away. Despite whatever age you are and your fears of dating in a slightly older age bracket, I wouldn’t want to date anyone who was giving me the “for keeps” vibe right off the bat. If that is the approach you are taking, you are forcing yourself to be emotional and grasping onto anything that seems like it could be remotely serious. Dating is a fun process, don’t grasp onto anyone right away. The charm that comes out of you when you are just having a good time is what is the most intriguing thing to potential partners. Then off the back of that intrigue is where you can let that person dive a bit deeper into the more vulnerable and raw things that make up you.
